Dear Mom,

I miss you.

I miss the softness of your cheeks.

And watching you read.

And telling you about my day.

And having you as my best friend.

I wish I could ask you a lot of things.

Like if you ever felt this inadequate

because to me

you were always

Amazing!

How did you manage that?

I wonder what you would think of me as an adult,

of the person I’ve become,

while you were gone.

If you still think that I will turn out ok,

and what insights

you would offer into

how I can become a better person.

Because you always did that very well.

In the kind of way

that made me think

for myself.

So maybe you would

not be too disappointed

in the person I’ve become.

Even if she is a little too independent.

I wonder how our relationship

would have grown,

now that we are both

women.

What kinds of things we would do together

Just because

we enjoyed

each others company.

I wish I had learned

a little more

of your kindness.

I wish missing you

didn’t hurt so much.

And yet

In a way

I’m glad it does,

because things that are easy

usually aren’t worth very much.  

If your hungry and in Salt Lake.....

and good or tasty just won't do.

If you are looking for

mind blowing,

amazing,

or

how did we ever enjoy anything before this?

May I recommend

Les Madellines

just south of the downtown library.

Nothing there is not amazing.

It is a religious experince.

Oh, and get the Kouing-aman

It will change your life

I promise.

Mornings In My World; a two minute play

Scene: Early morning in an average American kitchen the day after Easter.  Amy and Todd are getting ready to leave for work and school respectively, gathering books and bags, putting on shoes.  Maddie a bright and happy four year old is sitting on the floor moving hard boiled eggs out of their container and happily placing them around the room.

Uncle Todd: To (Maddie) What are you doing?

Maddie: Hiding eggs, Ashlynn are I are playing Easter hunt.

Uncle Todd:  Did you count the eggs before you hid them.

Maddie: No

Aunt Amy: Hey Maddie, what is the difference between something that is hidden and something that is lost?

Maddie: You can find something that is hidden. Things that are lost stay missing.

Todd and Amy exit to the driveway

Aunt Amy: Why do I get the feeling that in three days we will all be looking for stinky eggs?

Uncle Todd: I know exactly what you mean.

May I Proundly Recommend.....

Ok, so I watch a lot of T.V.
or I used to before I started Grad School
(which is eating my life!)
And we have an amazing cable package,
so please take me seriously
as I recommend
Parenthood

 

I like it because it makes me laugh.
Because it makes me cry.
And because I makes me want to be a better member of my own family.

Impulse Buy

I bought this little number today.

It looked like fun.

Tagged

4 things I'm passionate about:
1.Creating things, this is the absolute definition of bliss. I am so happy when I make something new a beautiful. I happy when I see beautiful things that others have made, ie blogs. I’m also so frustrated when something I am creating does not work out. Hummmmm.
2. Reading, I love to learn about new things and wonder to weird parts of the book store or library to find something that I would not normally pick up.
3. Travel, but have been doing less of it lately, and talking pictures of lampposts from places that I have been.
4.Eating, I like discovering new restraints or good places to eat, especially when I go with Todd. I love spending a good lazy day with Todd.


4 phrases I say a lot:
1. “Not going to happen” This is code for it’s the last time I’m telling you no. Applied mostly to students at work and my nieces. It has also earned me the title of the “Mean Aunt” because I say “not going to happen” I am also know as the “crafty aunt” as compared to Hilary who is the “pretty aunt”
2. Darln’ or Darlings- I call all the students that I work with Darln’ and all though I am not southern it is magic how you can give a kid bad news or tell them something they really don’t want to hear and they take it better if you start and finish with Darln.’ As in “Darln’ I’m sorry but your not going to be able to punch your peer in the face and then stay in my classroom so I need to ask you to leave now Darln’.”
3. “Hey Todd……..”- The preface to anything nice that I want my husband to do for me. And I usually get it. It is often followed with a question directed at him which is actually about me. Such as “Hey Todd…..are you feeling really cold?” Which he absolutely never is and I always am. Or “Hey Todd…… are you thinking about going upstairs and getting the last brownie to split right now?” And then I magically out of nowhere have that last brownie. Boy did I get lucky in the husband department. Spoiled, spoiled little girl.
4. “Nobody loves that”- Which is my response to any petering that Todd is doing, i.e. tickling, pinching, poking, etc. Todd loves, loves, loves, to pester, poke and prod. To which he responds “I’m not nobody” and I put up with because he so willingly succumbs to my manipulative approach to getting brownies and blankets.

4 things I have learned from the past:
1. It is ok to go backwards, and it teachers you good character building type things.
2. That I am tougher than I look, and not as tough and I think I am
3. That I need to learn to listen
4. I trust myself to land on my feet, no matter what is going on.

4 places I would like to go:
1. Italy, to hike the five cities
2.Paris with Todd
3. A cruise to the Bahamas
4. China

4 things I did yesterday:
1. Homework, I started grad school this week. Yipieee!
2. Worked, one job not two like on Mon, Wed, and Fri
3. Babysat the Nieces
4. Went to bed early with Todd as we are both sick

4 things I'm looking forward to:
1. Warmer weather
2. Farmers Market this summer
3. Owning a house, Someday, Someday
4. Watching Project Runway with my sisters

4 things I love about winter:
1. Festival of trees
2. Hot CoCo with candy canes
3. Visiting my Dad’s cabin
4. That’s about it, I’m not a big fan of winter.

4 things on my wish list:
1. A house.
2. A Masters degree
3. A baby, maybe
4. New cool trip to look forward too.

4 friends to tag:
Hum, Don’t think anyone besides Hilary will do this, and perhaps Jen who did and tagged me.  Which made me feel cool, so thanks Jen.

Today

Today, and last night, I miss my mom.

I miss her a lot at Christmas,
and off and on throughout the year,
But when my sisters are having a hard time,
I miss her most of all,
because no matter what I do....
I feel inadequate.
Like it is not enough,
because she would have done it better.